Dale Carnegie is most well known for his courses on interpersonal skills and his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” He’s published a few other books as well ranging on topics from anxiety, leadership, and public speaking. The following is taken from one of the introductory chapters in his book, “How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking.”
Public speaking is an interesting subject to study. A lot of people have anxiety about presenting, and speaking to an audience. Carnegie explains this fear simply as a product of ignorance and uncertainty. He then prescribes a formula on how to remove this fear:
“[Why do people have this fear?] A lack of confidence. And what causes that? It is the result of not knowing what you can really do. And not knowing what you can do is caused by a lack of experience. When you get a record of successful experience behind you, your fears will vanish.”
Sounds dead simple and common sensical. Successful experiences >> Knowing what you are capable of >> Confidence. But how many people take such a hardline approach to building confidence in themselves in this manner? Whether its with public speaking, acting, or any other skill. How do you start having successful experiences? Well, you start with unsuccessful experiences. You turn those into learning moments and follow up with a few successful experiences. Soon enough, you’ll have enough breadth of experience to make educated and accurate inferences about your future performance. When you have to go up on stage, make a pitch to investors, or take the game winning shot, you’ll do so with a frame of reference that adequately defines all possible outcomes. By building a relatively stable track record of success, you’ll become better at turning haphazard circumstances into the type of ones you prefer and can control.
I think the trouble is starting down a path and knowing you must experience the possibility of failure to get to the other side. As a novice, whether its learning programming, painting, or how to sell – you tend to have a idealized and romanticized view of the nature of things in the domain you’re building skills in. The worst possible thing would be to experience repeat failure at the start of it, and shatter any possible notions you might have held about that specific domain. But failure is likely at the beginning. And I think its better to embrace it as a phase, rather than an indicator of ability.
Dave Chappelle on Inside the Actors Studio had a specifically relevant story. He talks about the first time he bombed at the famous APOLLO comedy club:
I still remember that boo. I had never been booed off stage before. I just remember looking out and seeing everybody booing. Everybody! Even old people. Who boo’s a child pursuing his dreams?! This is the meanest crowd in the world! Then that siren went off and the dude came out tap dancing. Sandman! I wanted to choke the shit out of him! And that was the best thing that ever happened to me, because before that time, I had never bombed…let alone get boo’d off stage. And bombing was horrifying! Nobody wants to get boo’d off stage!… But that night was liberating because I failed so far beyond my wildest nightmares of failing… and after that, I was fearless.
One of the best lessons I have taken from this is to learn indiscriminately from every experience, no matter if the lessons come in the form of success or failure. All you really need is to build on those experiences. It doesn’t matter if you have 10 failures in a row and 1 success, or failure after success after failure after success, etc. Each lesson must have extracted from it points for improving future performance and in the case of mistakes, the wisdom not repeat the same one again. I believe this is the best possible human learning algorithm you can have.